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Is my husband gay?  

You’ve had suspicions. You’re pretty sure, or are positive, that it’s true. There are countless red flags that literally millions of straight spouses see; lack of interest in having sex with you, suspicious phone calls, unexplained absences - it can be an endless list. It can blind side you. One of the first things you may do is simply go into denial.

 He insists he's not gay! 

Sometimes a gay husband will come out of the closet voluntarily. But many refuse to admit they’re gay, even with solid evidence of their same-sex attraction or activities. Maybe you found text messages, online evidence that they're on sites like Grinder, you've found unexplained used condoms, or explicit pictures on their phones. But they still deny it and that makes you feel like you're going crazy. They choose to stay on the down-low; having constructed a world of covert sexual behaviors. They keep you prisoner in the closet with them. Their denial can make it seem impossible for you to break free.  

Is my wife a lesbian?

Some women are brave enough to just tell you they're lesbian, or bi. Some hint at it by telling you they had an intimate experience with a girlfriend when they were younger, but it was not a big deal. But that fact is a major red flag. No matter how you find out the truth, it is devastating. It shatters your world. Now what do you do?

Shock, Anger and Sadness

You feel betrayed and are deeply affected. This is not the person you thought you knew. Often, family, friends and therapists simply can’t relate. You need answers and clarity in order to move forward.

Where can you go for help? 

Right here! We’ve been partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates. We understand how painful and confusing this is for you. You can talk to a support contact right away. We'll put you in touch the closest available Straight Spouse Network Support Group - led by one of our many, qualified facilitators. You'll get the personal, confidential support and information you so desperately need right now. We're here to help you get through this difficult journey.


 Call  773/413-8213 or Email Us using our contact form.

Immediate Support Options

Any communication with us will be strictly confidential. Calls and emails go directly to a member of our Triage Team, who returns calls and emails as soon as possible.

A 14 minute video for all Straight Spouses.

Because Straight Spouse Network Helped Me...

“...there hasn’t been anyone I felt I could really talk to about any of this.  I feel as if I have been trapped in the closet with him.  I have so many questions about how to handle so many aspects of this situation ...The fact that Straight Spouse Network contacted me so quickly is so comforting and uplifting; even though it makes me almost want to cry,  perhaps because I have waited and suffered for so long.  It is amazing to know that I am not alone and someone cares.”
D. in Pasadena, CA

"I am making this donation ($1,000) to celebrate the 5 year anniversary of my husband coming out of the closet. My life is so much better thanks to the support of all of you. Thank you for what you do." – Anon. 

Or why you shouldn’t protect your children from the truth

For the last eight years, time has stood still. When I look back at who I was then, I see an ambitious single working her way up the creative ladder of the bustling film industry in Los Angeles. I was on my own in a brave new world full of endless possibilities, building a life that would take me on a great adventure. It was a life being built upon the foundation of everything I had learned throughout my childhood and all that I hoped to discover as an adult. Then the foundation crumbled...

Continued in personal stories


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