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I think my husband is gay.  
You’ve had suspicions that it’s true. There are red flags that literally millions of Straight Spouses experience: a lack of interest in having sex with you, watching gay porn, suspicious phone calls, unexplained absences, strange financial expenses. Once you suspect or realize your spouse is not straight, it can blind side you. You are not alone. The Straight Spouse Network will give you the support and understanding you need to navigate the difficult journey ahead.

My wife came out as Lesbian.
How can you cope with the reality that your wife has told you she is attracted to a woman, or has been seeing a woman romantically? Can you find a way to stay together? How will your family deal with this reality? There are many stages a couple will go through in sorting out their ability to stay together. Even though it is still a painful decision, some couples decide to separate, especially when there are no children involved. Some stay together for at least a period of time. No matter what you decide, you need to take time to weigh all the possibilities. About half of the straight spouses who come to us for support are men whose wives have come out as lesbian. They find support and understanding by joining our support groups and exploring all the options with others who are going through similar situations.

Gay in Denial  
Sometimes a gay husband or lesbian wife will come out of the closet voluntarily. That can be difficult enough for a Straight Spouse. But sometimes, even if you have solid evidence of their same-sex attraction or activities, some LGBT spouses cannot, or will not admit they’re gay. They choose to stay on the down-low; many having constructed a world of covert sexual practices. Their denial can make it seem impossible for you to find clarity and make any decision on how to move forward. You need to know you are not delusional. Our support groups include a large number of people who are in the same situation.

My Spouse is Transgender
Straight Spouses whose husbands or wives have revealed their opposite gender identity are coming to us for support in ever greater numbers. Being married to, or in a relationship with a Transgender person is very confusing, for both mates. The struggle to understand this phenomenon and witness the physical changes involved seem unfathomable. While being supportive, straight spouses have to realize it's important and acceptable to take time to focus on themselves. Though the situation is incredibly unique, there are still the common challenges all Straight Spouses have in the face of undeniable and painful change. You are not alone. We’re here to support you 100%! Go to our FAQ menu, Coming Out for more information.

My spouse is Bisexual. 
When a husband or wife reveals that they are bisexual, some couples successfully remain together. But, bisexuality is not a free pass to cheat on one's spouse. You need to talk to others about your challenges and options. We’re here for you. Go to our FAQ menu, Coming Out for more information.

Feeling Shock, Anger and Sadness 
Emotions can be overwhelming. The truth can be shocking. You feel betrayed and offended. Sometimes, family and friends simply can’t relate. Many will most likely be more accepting in time. But in the beginning, you’re left feeling alone, confused and powerless. This is not abnormal and in time, it will get better. Sharing your experience with others who have survived this life changing experience, is one of the most comforting things you can do for yourself.

Where can you go for help? 
Right here! The Straight Spouse Network is made up of volunteers who have been partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates. Groups are All Inclusive. We understand how painful this is for you. Our goal is to help you to make sense of your situation by providing personal, confidential support, information and insights. You will no longer feel you’re alone in this.


Only for Straight Spouses and Straight Partners of LGBTQ persons.  Fill out our confidential contact form (blue button below). Or, call 773/413-8213. Your call or email will be processed within 48 hours - no need to call or fill out the form a second time. A Triage representative will respond to your request and give you information on the Straight Spouse Network Group Facilitator or Support Contact nearest you. Any communication with us will be strictly confidential.

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MEDIA INQUIRIES - from News Organizations, Journalists, Publications, Film and Television, Events, Speakers

For media proposals of any kind: interviews, proposals from video or film makers, book submissions for our review; or for finding a qualified Straight Spouse Network Speaker to take part in your event or presentation, contact our Communications Director at  (For Blog related issues go to top menu, Straight Talk Blog.)

A 14 minute video for all Straight Spouses.

The Straight Spouse Network is a Lifesaver

“To suggest that the Straight Spouse Network is a ‘lifesaver’ is not hyperbole.  It is a fact. I am living proof. When my former husband of nearly 30 years told me he was gay, I prayed to die in my sleep....My life changed in so many ways as a result of my relationship with Straight Spouse Network” –P.

Extremely Isolating Situation...

“The Straight Spouse Network helped me move through a very difficult extremely isolating situation. The fact that some wonderful straight person is willing to be on the other side of a screen or the other end of a phone conversation is invaluable. Being able to cry and laugh about the circumstances that arise is so important." – A.

Straight Spouse Network Statistics
Click HERE  for current information

Special Website for young adults whose parents are Straight Spouses: Click here.


Click here for official Straight Spouse Network newsletters - featuring articles on the the Straight Spouse Experience, it's challenges, post-revelation fallout, MOMs, the Transgender phenomenon, and the complicated effects of having lived with a closeted mate. 


Open discussion group for Mixed Orientation relationship issues. To join in:  Click here.

How You Can Help


Learn More Here



Featuring our founder,
Amity Pierce Buxton PhD

Amity discusses The Straight Spouse Network's origins, what we do, our vision for the future.the Straight Spouse Experience and expectations placed on us. She addresses the all too common question straight spouses encounter, "didn't you know?", plus the diversity of experiences in mixed orientation couples, and how our support groups work. To listen in,  CLICK HERE


A Place For Straight Spouses After Their Mate Comes Out Of The Closet : NPR


Featuring Amity Buxton 


Silent Sagas: Unsung Sorrows
Louella Christy Komuves' book and insightful, informative
television interview. >more 

Straight Spouse Network featured in Equal Magazine
Straight Spouse Network was key in creating a “blended family”.>more

Amity P. Buxton, Ph.D. featured on Spot Lite Radio-
Straight Spouse Network founder Amity Buxton was recently featured on Spot Lite Radio talking about the Network, our new website and her new book Unseen-Unheard: Straight Spouses from Trauma to Transformation (2013) >more




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Privacy Policy

Individual information is used only so we can get in touch with you and provide you with support and/or resources.  We absolutely will not release or provide your contact information to ANY outside person or agency without your express permission.