Craigslist Suspect’s Fiance: Another Public Opinion Smackdown
NBC News recently reported that the accused “Craigslist Killer” Phillip Markoff was looking for men as well as women online. He seems to have answered an ad on Craigslist in the “Male for T” (male for transsexual) category. Markoff’s fiance, Megan McAllister, released a statement that Markoff is innocent until proven guilty, and and the person portrayed in the media is not the person she knows. This has unleashed a storm of commentary in the blogosphere that she is deluded, ignorant, shouldn’t talk to the media, wants to marry a doctor no matter what.
All straight spouses know the pain that a heterosexual fiance of a closeted homesexual or transsexual feels when discovery or disclosure occurs. Shock, disbelief, a denial that any of it will matter, are all common reactions and are familiar to us. Unfortunately so is the derision that is now greeting McAllister’s statement that her fiance was set up.
Megan will need time to undergo the process of dealing with this shock – the trial will likely give her time for this. And depending on the outcome of the trial, she will have some decisions to make not only about the wedding, but about her own life. Denial, anger, depression, self doubt are all a part of this painful journey – but we get through it and we survive.
The Straight Spouse Network is not just support for spouses – we offer support for the fiances and unmarried heterosexual partners of closeted LGBT people. All support is confidential – no leaks to the media, no gossip behind someone’s back.
One of the unfortunate ways that we discover our spouses are “hiding something” from us is to find the trails they leave behind them on the internet. Some of us actually meet the people they are meeting, without knowing what is going on. Hooking up for anonymous sex is dangerous, whether it is on the internet or in a public restroom. And sometimes, closeted husbands do not have a whole lot of sense about the type of person they are meeting , or exposing their wives and family’s information to. People who lead a double life convince themselves that they’ve got it under control – and that is why they can be so convincing of others, and have such blatant disregard for the health and safety of spouses, fiances, and sometimes their own children.
No one should judge Megan for standing up for her fiance, for believing the best about him. It’s very difficult for a young woman to learn that her fiance wants to have sex with men; it’s very difficult to learn that her fiance is accused of murder. For Megan, it is a double whammy – and she deserves respect for her faithfulness and time to cope with what reality will unfold. We hope that those who love her will join with us and encourage her to take care of herself.



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