Marriage equality is not just a focus in the United States.  Gay marriage is legal in 5 states in the USA, with New Hampshire due to become the sixth state on January 1.  World wide, Gay marriage is legal in Canada, Belgium, Spain, South Africa, Norway, and Sweden. Civil partnerships are available in Andorra, Australia, Colombia, Croatia, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland,France, Germany, Hungary, Iceland, Israel, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Portugal, Slovenia, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, and Uruguay. Some parts of Argentina and Mexico allow same sex civil unions as well.

In Australia, the granting of legal status to civil union committment ceremonies is currently being debated, and members of the general public were invited to submit their statements in support or against to the Australian Federal Government’s Senate Enquiry.

Several members of the Straight Spouse Network responded eloquently.  Here are excerpts from some of their statements:

I was married to my wife for 13 years when she came out as a lesbian and left. On leaving she explained to me that she got married because that is what was expected of her and she wanted to lead a “normal” life….Some gay and lesbian people are getting married today; they are living a closeted life in a heterosexual marriage not being the person they were meant to be. This has severe consequences when it inevitably falls apart; I speak from personal experience as collateral damage of a marriage that was never meant to be.

I feel we need to allow all people regardless of their sexual orientation tofeel “normal” living the life they were born to live. Allowing same sex marriage is just another step in normalising homosexual life in society. Gay and lesbian people should be able to enjoy the same rights and responsibilities and privileges that people who identify as heterosexual enjoy. – Michael

I write as a friend and supporter for those whose lives have been adversely effected by spouses who, for whatever reason, decided to marry against their sexual preference.

In many cases, srt8 spouses are placed in the position of finding out after the marriage (sometimes decades after) about their spouse’s sexual orientation. There is an over arching belief amongst these str8 spouses that, had their community accepted homosexuality as ‘A’ norm, they may have been spared the years of pain and heartache that have been their lot.

My hope, whatever the outcome of this, or any other enquiry into the lives and rights of non-heterosexual people, that our society may reach the point where we are able to look at a person and see a person, not their sex, gender or sexual preference. If, in order for that to happen, we need to allow within our laws for non-heterosexual marriages, then I am in favour. – A. W.

The Straight Spouse Network’s position on same sex marriage is this: The Straight Spouse Network supports the legal right of any adult to form a marital union, with all its rights and responsibilities, with a chosen
partner of the same gender, rather than struggle to fit the mold of a heterosexual marriage in which everyone involved gets hurt. From the straight spouse’s perspective, codifying marriage as legal only if it is between a man and a woman, as has been proposed or passed in constitutional amendments across the country, serves to perpetuate hurtful consequences and pain for gay, lesbian, and bisexual spouses, straight spouses, and their children.
Board Approved: November 8, 2006
Reaffirmed: April 10, 2008

The recent decisions by the Connecticut Supreme Court and the California Supreme Court to recognize same sex marriage has ignited the social controversy about what a marriage is, and if it can be applied to same sex couples. At first glance it appears that despite popular opinion to the contrary, the courts have held that the criteria for marriage can be met by a same sex couple, and that restricting gay couples to civil unions only is a lack of equality under the law.  But a recent poll conducted by Connecticut’s Hartford Courant shows that 53 percent of respondents agree with the court decision.  This is obviously as contentious an issue in Connecticut as it is in California. 

 Much of the backlash against these decisions, including California’s Proposition 8 and the proposed amendment to the Connecticut constitution, are rooted in the idea that the traditional institution of marriage must be defended. With all of the challenges to the traditional institution of marriage, it is difficult to see how the legal marriage of two men or two women to one other threatens traditional heterosexual marriage.  No church or synagogue is being told that they HAVE to marry gay couples.  They can choose to not perform these weddings, just as they choose to not perform some heterosexual weddings for various reasons.  Some straight ex spouses of gay people often wonder if gay marriage had been permitted at the time of their own weddings, would their own marriage  have ever taken place? 

 The Straight Spouse Network supports gay marriage, and is not shy about saying so. Gay marriage will not prevent all gay, bisexual, lesbian, or down low people from marrying heterosexual people who believe they are entering a traditional heterosexual marriage.  But it will provide an acceptable alternative for those who are ready to honestly marry a person of their own sex, and will make it socially less acceptable for those who wish to hide behind the appearance of a heterosexual marriage. 

 We would much prefer that those who wish to defend marriage would begin to acknowledge the existence of the straight spouses among them, and open their ears, their hearts, and their minds to the various perspectives of all who have experienced the painful deception of struggling to fit the mold of a heterosexual marriage when they are really in a mixed orientation marriage.