Thanks to all who volunteered after seeing our last blog entry. The Straight Spouse Network is nothing without the volunteer services of those who are ready to make a difference in the lives of other straight spouses.  We are one non profit that does not want to grow, but unfortunately we do, every single day.  Approximately 5 people A DAY contact us, and are responded to within 24 hours one on one, by someone who has a similar history and is available to listen in confidence, (by email or phone) and possibly meet with the person who is asking for help or direct them to additional resources for support.

So besides support, what does the Straight Spouse Network do?  We advocate for straight spouses by educating the public, professionals, and the gay community about our experiences and perspectives.  To do this, we build bridges constantly, even though we may be at odds with the other side of the bridge!  Our founder, Amity Buxton, and some of our members are active in the professional associations of psychologists and counselors, advocating for appropriate practices when it comes to therapy for us.  Some of our members speak to gay groups to educate them about what the straight spouse is experiencing, and why it doesn’t always turn out the way the gay spouse expects.

We have members who are available for media interviews.  Often these are not really about us, but are a sideline to issues such as gay marriage.  Also, because of confidentiality, sometimes we have to be cautious with media contacts.  Our aim is not to be the stars of daytime television, but to be the resource that is mentioned after the drama is resolved.  Sadly, some of our members have had the experience of being contacted by representatives of the media, and then being discarded because their responses do not fit the story that has already been designed.  Each of us is different, and has a different perspective to share.  We welcome media contact, but they will have to respect the need of some spouses for confidentiality.

We are the pre-eminent support group for straight spouses worldwide.  We are probably the most diverse group of people in the world, some of us having little in common with each other besides the common experience of having a gay spouse or significant other.  The ways in which we help one another, and help ourselves, are powerful, strong, and very necessary.

Thanks to all who help this small but mighty group make a difference in the lives of millions of people.

This isn’t another post about how the Straight Spouse Network needs money.  Well, we do need money.  But there is one thing we need even more: people who are willing to help other people.

If you’ve learned a few things on your journey about coping, communicating, facing reality, and moving forward after disclosure or discovering a spouse is gay, we invite you to help others who are just beginning to deal with this.  If the Straight Spouse Network has helped you, we need to to help others who now are facing the same dilemma of a husband or wife who is gay.

We need you to help no matter what your experience is: divorce, staying married, male, female, old, young.  We are directly contacted by between 35-40 (5 – 7 per day) people every week from around the world who need our help.  They contact us by filling out a web form or calling us directly.  Each one has a different story.  We have people in place who help them to find someone local to them, a face to face group, or a person who they can talk to in detail.  And that is where you come in.  We’re asking you to be the next voice they hear that says “I understand.  You are not alone” and really knows what they are saying. If you have gained some wisdom, self awareness, and strength through SSN, we are asking you to volunteer.

We aren’t asking you to start a face to face support group, although if you want to that would be great!  There are many areas where these just aren’t available.  Frequently, people connect in other ways – over the phone, email, or in one of our affiliated online support groups – and make plans then to actually meet if possible.  We’re asking you to . to possibly be a contact for those looking for support especially when we have no F2F groups in the area.  To do this go to our website at www.straightspouse.org.  Click to the “How You Can Help” button and scroll to be a contact/facilitator.  Fill in the application form and you will hear from us.    The organization is always here to help you to do this with training and support.

If you don’t think you can do this, we have other jobs for you.  We need help in our local groups with organizing events.  Here are some of the other skills or services we need:

Writing skills
Media skills
Professional printing for publications.
Legal experience
Public relations
Fundraising
Development skills

The Straight Spouse Network is only as effective as the people who are an active part of it.  We’re the peer to peer support group for people who didn’t know they had peers, and thought they were alone.  Share your strength, experience, and perspective.  To volunteer, go to our website, look for that How You Can Help button at the top right of the home page,  and follow the above instructions.