A Straight Husband’s Story.
By James Oliver Chapman
I’m James, and I’m a straight spouse. Sixteen years into my marriage, my wife told me she thought she was bisexual. When she said she wanted to try being with women, I bravely agreed to it. That’s when things got complicated. Molly and I lived in a Mixed Orientation Marriage for six more years. Then she found the girlfriend, fell in love, and realized she was actually gay. The girlfriend did everything in her power to drive a giant jackhammer between my wife and me, and eventually we divorced.
It wasn’t merely painful; it was complete devastation. To witness my wife falling in love with someone else was crushing, but the fact that it was with a woman was inconceivable. Molly and I hadn’t just been husband and wife; we were best friends, lovers, parents, and proud homeowners. In one fell swoop, I lost everything, including the very essence of who I was in the world.
I wept. I fell into clinical depression. I struggled with anxiety which resulted in leaves of absence from work. The two things that kept me going were my daughter and her dog. I was determined to get my daughter through college, in spite of the financial disaster the divorce had created for me. Duncan, my daughter’s Westie, came to live with me and he just may have saved my life. He gave me a reason to get out of bed every day. He became my family.
I survived the rough times – barely. But it was creating my memoir about those experiences that helped me heal. Writing it wasn’t a calm, easy experience. Most of the time I was typing, I was bawling like a baby. I was like Kathleen Turner in the opening scene of Romancing the Stone, where she was writing a sappy love story and bawling at the content. All the feelings I had suppressed during my marriage came out as I wrote. That process allowed me to own the feelings I couldn’t acknowledge while I was going through the whole sad and confusing ordeal.
Now my book, How to Lose Your Wife to Another Woman, has now been released to the world. My goal is for it to help and educate other straight spouses. And I plan to donate a portion of its sales at select launch-events to the Straight Spouse Network.
And me? I bought a new Westie when Duncan passed away. I travel to exciting places, and when I’m home, I enjoy life in my cool apartment with a view of the awesome Pacific Ocean.
James Oliver Chapman
How to Lose Your Wife to Another Woman- Excluse Excerpt
Silent Sagas: Unsung Sorrows: Heterosexual Wife, Homosexual Husband
by Louella Christy Komuves
Author Louella Christy Komuves was married for 29 years and despite her husband’s well-hidden homosexuality, together they created a loving home for their three sons. Devastated at first by her husband’s secret, Komuves was eventually able to regain her life, and set out to craft an in-depth spiritual guide for anyone experiencing a similar situation in his or her marriage. Watch the author’s interview >more
Straight Spouse Network was key in creating a “blended family”.
This article features a family who has come full circle. It shows how Straight Spouse Network was key to their success in creating a “blended family”. It is proof that there is always hope for a brighter future. Look for it on pages 18 and 20 here:
Carolyn married her college sweetheart. They had an amazing, adventurous life;
and then the truth came out. To read this interesting story, click below.
Bethesda Magazine Article-1.Carolyn Lowengart.January.February 2014
Straight Spouse Network founder Amity Buxton was recently featured on Spot Lite Radio talking about what the Network is all about and the broad range of support services it provides. She also talked about the new website and her new book “Unseen-Unheard: Journey of Straight Spouses.”
You can hear the full 30 minute interview with Amity and host Chris Randazzo at this link.
Straight spouses came out in full force to support the movie I Thought It Was Forever. Produced by Maniko Barthelemy and Southern Belle Productions and starring straight spouses Carolyn Lowengart and Randy Spires, it was an emotional night for all involved.