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How Does the Straight Spouse Network Help You?

When you need help – you’ve just discovered that your husband or wife is having a relationship or sexual activity with people of the same gender – how does the Straight Spouse Network help you?

Once you’ve entered “Is my husband gay?” or “my wife left me for a woman” – you pretty much discover that you are not alone.  You find us, and you find our articles, forum, newsletters.  You also find a place to connect.

You contact us.  We respond via email or phone, telling you who is a contact in your area, or who can contact you with help about your specific situation.  If you are staying married, if your spouse is transgender, you might want to connect with others who are going through something similar.  We help you connect.  Sometimes you can connect face to face with groups in your area, or on the phone with another spouse.  Sometimes you join our confidential online discussion groups after speaking with someone.

You are not alone.

But wait, there’s more.

We educate.  We advocate.  We build bridges. It’s not just a lonely hearts club!

Through our Speakers’ Bureau, our representatives are available on request – for free – to speak to community groups about the straight spouse experience. Through our website, counseling professionals can find information, books, and connections for more information. We respond to media requests for information for news articles, features, and we offer information for those who are just finding out about straight spouses. We share information through social media, offering it to our confidential online groups for discussion and questions and reactions. There’s a quarterly newsletter that focuses on topics that concern straight spouses – topics unique to our situation.

But most of all, we support.  We affirm the straight spouse. We offer ways for the LGBTQ spouse to find perspectives on coming out experiences for spouses and families. And we offer one another friendship.  Deep friendships often develop among groups of straight spouses, often lasting for years. We move forward in our new lives that we never expected to have, with new friends who understand the journey.

We’re not professional counselors.  This is peer to peer support and affirmation. You are not crazy. You are not alone.

Here’s what we DON’T do:

We don’t judge.  You are entitled to support as a straight spouse no matter where you are on this journey. Separated, married, divorced, angry, grieving in love, reconciled, depressed, not sure if your spouse really is gay or bi- we get it.

We don’t trash LGBTQ people as a group.  Some of us are raising LGBTQ children, or have adult LGBTQ children or relatives. Homosexuality is not a choice.  Honesty is.

We don’t support reparative or ex gay therapies.  In fact, you may want us to support you in surviving your spouses “cure” – and your loss of family and community relationships as a result of refusing to continue to live what you know is a lie. We DO support you getting counseling for yourself and your family. (but we do not provide referrals to counselors or legal advice)

We don’t subject you to the how did you find out, what do you know, when did you know it, are you sure inquisition.  WE BELIEVE YOU. We want you to believe you too.

Many of us find that after a while, the friendships we form and connections we make with each other feel like family – but of course, we’re not your real family.  But sometimes we become what we call “familee” for each other.

Most of all we are here for you, the heterosexual spouse or partner of someone who is LGBTQ. You are not alone.

For help, please contact us here:


  1. I am new to this group. I live too far to be a part of a support group so I am hoping to get involved in some type of online group chat. I have suspected my husband could possibly be attracted to men. When i asked him approximately 5 years ago, he said he thinks that he is bisexual. I just pushed it all in the back corner and chose to not talk about it again… I recently found his daily activity on gay porn sites. I can’t keep pretending everything is normal in our marriage. Thank you for any advice/help/guidance.

    • Hi Ellen,

      All participation in online groups must be vetted by our volunteers. Please complete the online form on this site under the tab to find support and a member of our team will contact you within 48 hours.

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