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Reading The Wisdom of Others

For some straight spouses, the journey to building a new life can take a while. Healing for us is done at our own pace, in our own time. For some of us, not being able to be fully “out” of the closet, or coping with a spouse or ex spouse in denial can continually open up wounds and vulnerabilities, taking a long time to finally find a path to restoring our lives.

When straight spouses tell their stories through books, blogs, and other media, we are always happy to share. Chances are, the questions they had and some of the answers they have found will apply to others as well. We may be unique individuals, but we are not alone.

Annie Tulk is a long time straight spouse living in Canada, who has recently written a book about her story. A first responder for the Straight Spouse network, she has written How to Move Beyond the Pain of a Spouse’s Homosexuality, a book of reflections that will inspire and motivate others.

Tara Mullin Lowney has published a book of poetry that she wrote to help her get through the difficult days of being a straight ex wife and a single parent. Life After, Forever is now available on Kindle from Amazon.

You can find a list of books written by straight spouses here on our website, as well as other resources.

The Straight Spouse Network is the premier support network for heterosexual current and former spouses and partners of LGBT people. We offer entirely free, confidential peer to peer support. And we want you to know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.


  1. This response is late because I’m a new member. But I’m going through a divorce now and I don’t understand how your husband’s lawyer would have any power over your possessions. What kind of hearing? Don’t most states have no-fault so that his gayness shouldn’t enter into any settlement.
    BTW, my husband was a military officer too. He did 10 years active duty and 10 yrs reserve. I wonder how many closeted gays are in the military.

  2. Deborah, that sounds like abuse to me. I had an abusive closeted husband who dragged me all the way to the state appellate court threatening to take my kids because I was delusional and hateful. BUT YOU ARE TELLING THE TRUTH AND IT IS YOUR STORY TOO.

    If you agree to this, he can always have something to hold over you. He can imprison you in his closet and lock you in and throw away the key.

    This happened to you. It is your story. Do not allow him to force you to disown your own story.

    He is abusive and desperate.

  3. My husbands lawyer wants me to return all the evidence I have of my husbands homosexuality and agreed never to mention it to anyone. My lawyer says if they pursue this after I’ve refused to return everything, then there will be a hearing. We had already settled on the terms of the divorce 2 days ago and now this came up today. I was a member of SSN from years ago (I think as far back as 2008, but took myself off the mailing list around a year or so ago. Any advice as I have been working on my story of being married to a career military officer and I don’t want to lose this evidence.

    • Don’t let your hudsband and or his lawyer bully you ,they are trying to pull one over on you. I ive thave talk to 2 jag lawyers. Stand your your ground and don’t sign anything . You could be giving up lots of your rights., beware of devious guys, also do not not get those imternt divorce. They are just as bad. Once you sign those papers your done, be very careful and don’t give the papers ,that you have your leverage and they know it..

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