By Cathy Wos
Reading Can’t Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed-Up Love by Kiri Blakeley sometimes reminded me of watching a horror film. I found myself yelling at the book, just like the screen, for the heroine to “Get Out While You Can!” “Stop, he’s out to hurt you!” and other such things that she obviously couldn’t see. I could see this so clearly because I’ve come out the other side of this pain, while she was still mired in the muck. Luckily, she has her sense of humor intact and her ability to tell it like it is.
Blakeley talks frankly about her pain and her sex life in this memoir. Kiri’s 10-year relationship ends when she finds out her fiance is gay. She embarks on a year of drinking, dating and sex without relationships. She is a woman full of conflicts: still in love with her fiance, yet extremely angry at his deception and cheating. She doesn’t want a relationship, but can’t help but become emotionally attached to men who are all wrong for her. She has a need to feel desirable, but doesn’t trust her own heart or head after years of
Many straight spouses go through a similar stage after finding out their spouse is gay. Everything in their life has been turned upside-down. It might have been years since they had been in the dating pool, perhaps not even as an adult. They may meet someone else, but still have ambivalent feelings about their spouse. They may mask their pain through alcohol, cigarettes, food or
Family, friends and therapists will help them through this dark time. And the Straight Spouse Network. We are always here and understand. Because we’ve been there. And perhaps even done the same things.