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Dirty Little Secret

Posted by on Jul 18, 2010 in Blog | 0 comments

By Cathy Wos

This week I am so sad and so tired.

Tired of being a Dirty Little Secret.

What’s my secret and my crime? Falling in love and marrying a gay man.

I had plans – I had a future. I was supposed to be married, living in my dream home and raising my 2.5 children. But life got in the way of my plans.

And now I belong to the club no one wants to join.

For two years I kept my husband’s secret. I told THREE people he was gay. After we separated I waited six months before I told anyone at work. I was
scared and I was ashamed. I look back and I can’t even remember why. Was I protecting him? Was I afraid of what people thought? Was I shamed by my
Church, which told me it was a sin to be divorced and for him to be gay? Probably all of those reasons and many, many more.

But then I found the Straight Spouse Network. And I found people who loved and accepted me for who I was: the quirky, sarcastic girl with the heart that was black on the inside. The girl whose only crime was falling in love with a gay man.

Two things changed a few years ago. I left my job and no longer had to worry that my work with the Straight Spouse Network might be a conflict of interest and I became Communications Director. It was then that I decided that I had to be fully out of the closet. My name was attached to the Straight Spouse Network and there aren’t a whole lot of Cathy Wos’s out there (besides my mother). I had to stop caring what people thought, so that I could be effective.

You know what my Dirty Little Secret is now?

I DO want to belong to this club. I am honored to be a part of this organization. I no longer think that loving a gay man was my sentence or my crime.

And my greatest hope is that with extra money from a big corporation, and all the extra exposure that goes along with it, no straight spouse will have have to feel ashamed or guilty or alone.

Because then this journey will be worth it.

During the month of July please vote for the Straight Spouse Network’s Pepsi
Refresh Project:

http://www.refresheverything.com/straightspouse

This week I am so sad and so tired.

Tired of being a Dirty Little Secret.

What's my secret and my crime? Falling in love and marrying a gay man.

I had plans - I had a future. I was supposed to be married, living in my dream
home and raising my 2.5 children. But life got in the way of my plans.

And now I belong to the club no one wants to join.

For two years I kept my husband's secret. I told THREE people he was gay.
After we separated I waited six months before I told anyone at work. I was
scared and I was ashamed. I look back and I can't even remember why. Was I
protecting him? Was I afraid of what people thought? Was I shamed by my
Church, which told me it was a sin to be divorced and for him to be gay?
Probably all of those reasons and many, many more.

But then I found the Straight Spouse Network. And I found people who loved and
accepted me for who I was: the quirky, sarcastic girl with the heart that was
black on the inside. The girl whose only crime was falling in love with a gay man.

Two things changed a few years ago. I left my job and no longer had to worry
that my work with the Straight Spouse Network might be a conflict of interest
and I became Communications Director. It was then that I decided that I had to
be fully out of the closet. My name was attached to the Straight Spouse
Network and there aren't a whole lot of Cathy Wos's out there (besides my
mother). I had to stop caring what people thought, so that I could be effective.

You know what my Dirty Little Secret is now?

I DO want to belong to this club. I am honored to be a part of this
organization. I no longer think that loving a gay man was my sentence or my crime.

And my greatest hope is that with extra money from a big corporation, and all
the extra exposure that goes along with it, no straight spouse will have have
to feel ashamed or guilty or alone.

Because then this journey will be worth it.

During the month of July please vote for the Straight Spouse Network's Pepsi
Refresh Project:

http://www.refresheverything.com/straightspouse
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