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World Beard Day is September 3

Posted by on Aug 27, 2016 in Blog | 24 comments

World Beard Day is September 3

Here at the Straight Spouse Network, we thought folks might like to know that Saturday, September 3 is World Beard Day.

World Beard DayThat’s right.  World Beard Day.  This is really a thing, around the world.

It’s a day to celebrate people’s beards, in all their variety and distinction.  It’s a day to honor those who really grow a nice beard.  Long beards.  Curly beards.  Braided beards.  Beards shaved in a shape, in a design.

So we thought we’d take the opportunity to educate the general public about the difference between women and beards.

We have noticed that many of our gay husbands and their friends seem to think that we, the women they married, are their beards.  At least, that’s what they call us.  And that’s what their friends call us. And that’s what people who want to talk about the agony of a married man coming out of the closet and admitting he’s gay want to call us.

Yes.  They call us beards. Any woman who a gay man hides behind to pretend he is straight is called a beard.

For some reason we do not fully understand, people think this is perfectly ok.  Yes, the brave soul came out and his wife, the mother of his children was his beard for many years.

And it just doesn’t feel good for a woman to be called a beard.  Especially when her feminine attributes are often unappreciated by her closeted husband.
So we wanted to clear up the confusion.

This is a woman. 

woman

This is a beard. Beard
This is a bearded lady.By David Shankbone (David Shankbone) [CC BY 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

 

Some women have beards.  Not many, but some do.  And they are still women.  And they are beautiful.

This is the famous poet, Walt WhitmanWalt whitman

He was gay and he had a beard.  On his face.  He did not have a wife or girlfriend.

Some women become wives.  Wives are sexual beings in their own right.  They are living human beings whose femininity and female sexuality should be respected and appreciated.  They are not facial hair.  They cannot just be shaved off your life.  And when you try to get rid of them, and they reappear after you have cut them down, it’s not because they are stubble.  It’s because they are human, with a human connection.  And human emotions. And human resilience.

It really doesn’t feel nice for a woman whose femininity and female sexuality is not appreciated by her closeted gay husband to be called a beard.  For a woman who strives to remain feminine and values her female sexuality, being called a beard is downright insulting.  It is the negation of all that is feminine about her.

Beards on the other hand, are something that you grow on your face.  They are a part of you.  Some people grow them better than others.  Some people should really never attempt to grow them.  But for those who are gifted with a healthy bush of facial hair, there are so many creative things you can do with a beard.  It’s part of you.  It’s part of your facial expression.  It’s part of your choice about your grooming and appearance.

But it’s not a woman.  A beard is not a wife.

So on World Beard Day, we have one thought for you.

This is a wife.By David Ball (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/) or CC BY 2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

       This is a beard. Beard       

LEARN THE DIFFERENCE.

Oh and if you are gay and not out to your wife – yeah, do that.  Grow your own beard if you must, but come out to your wife.  We can help.

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Can’t Think Straight: A Review

Posted by on Mar 28, 2011 in Blog | 0 comments

By Cathy Wos

Reading Can’t Think Straight: A Memoir of Mixed-Up Love by Kiri Blakeley sometimes reminded me of watching a horror film. I found myself yelling at the book, just like the screen, for the heroine to “Get Out While You Can!”  “Stop, he’s out to hurt you!” and other such things that she obviously couldn’t see. I could see this so clearly because I’ve come out the other side of this pain, while she was still mired in the muck. Luckily, she has her sense of humor intact and her ability to tell it like it is.

Blakeley talks frankly about her pain and her sex life in this memoir. Kiri’s 10-year relationship ends when she finds out her fiance is gay. She embarks on a year of drinking, dating and sex without relationships. She is a woman full of conflicts: still in love with her fiance, yet extremely angry at his deception and cheating. She doesn’t want a relationship, but can’t help but become emotionally attached to men who are all wrong for her. She has a need to feel desirable, but doesn’t trust her own heart or head after years of
deception.

Sound familiar?

Many straight spouses go through a similar stage after finding out their spouse is gay. Everything in their life has been turned upside-down. It might have been years since they had been in the dating pool, perhaps not even as an adult. They may meet someone else, but still have ambivalent feelings about their spouse. They may mask their pain through alcohol, cigarettes, food or
sex.

Family, friends and therapists will help them through this dark time. And the Straight Spouse Network. We are always here and understand. Because we’ve been there. And perhaps even done the same things.

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