Happy Valentine’s Day.
That may be a very difficult thing to hear for many straight spouses, some of whom are just learning that their husband or wife is gay. For many, the feeling of loss is compounded by the romantic reminders all around them. It confirms that you’re nobody’s valentine because the person you married would rather have sex with someone of the same sex, and not with you or anyone who is built like you. Valentines day can be a very painful and depressing day for anyone experiencing a breakup. It seems to throw insult on top of injury for many straight spouses, who at one point in their lives may have believed in romance.
So the question is, how does a straight spouse survive Valentine’s day? The answer: do something for yourself.
That sounds simple enough, but it really isn’t. Many straight spouses have become so enmeshed in the drama, that they have neglected to nurture themselves, and enjoy the things they like. So Valentine’s day is a day to do what is good for you – and figure that out.
It may be tempting to just enjoy chocolate, alcohol, or sweets in excess, but that isn’t really treating yourself well. Instead, meet with friends and have dinner together. Go to a movie that you like that your spouse would never have seen with you. Do something that you enjoy that you stopped doing because your spouse objected or was just so sour on it that it wasn’t fun anymore. That might include phoning a friend or family, renting a video, or attending a concert.
Think baths with your favorite bath oil. Maybe shopping for new clothing, or something that your spouse never liked that you do like. Go shopping at your favorite store for yourself. Go fishing. Go running. Watch a marathon of a show that you like and your spouse never did.
You will have a new appreciation of the love of others, and a new self respect.
One thing you can do for yourself if you have not done so already is to contact the Straight Spouse Network to be connected to other people who truly understand this experience, and reach out to help each other heal.