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The following are some of the most common questions asked as people come to us for support.

Please note that we do not claim that these are the best answers for your particular situation.  Each straight spouse must decide for themselves what works for them and their situation.

If you have suggestions for other questions that we should add to this page, or alternative answers for any of the questions below, please let us know using our Contact Us page.

FAQ Index

  • Coming out / Disclosure / Suspicion
      • My Spouse Came Out Now What?
      • I think my spouse is lesbian/gay/bi or transgendered (LGBT) but I'm not sure?
      • He or she says that he / she is "bi"; how is that different from being gay? Is bisexuality a "stepping stone" to being gay?
      • I'm LGBT … how do I come out to my spouse/partner?
    • Can I make him or her straight?
      • Is there anything I can do to change him/her?
      • What about "transformational" or "reparative" therapy?
  • Emotional Questions
    • I feel absolutely devastated, how do I cope?
    • Is it possible to survive this and move on?
    • How do I learn to trust myself and others again?
    • How do I get emotional distance?
    • Why has my spouse or partner's behavior changed so much?
  • Medical Questions
    • Should I be tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)?
    • Can I be tested anonymously?
    • If I'm staying with him/her, what about sex?
    • What other medical issues should I be concerned about?
    • Can you recommend a Doctor or Therapist?
  • Legal Questions
    • Can you recommend an Attorney?
    • How do I protect myself if I think I will be divorcing?
  • Questions Concerning Faith
    • My faith community teaches that homosexuality is wrong?
    • My faith community is not supportive of me?
  • Questions About Children
    • Should I tell the kids? / How and when do I tell the kids?
    • Are the children safe with him/her? What about pedophiles?
    • What support is available for the children?
    • What about their relationship with the other parent?
    • Do I need to be concerned about teasing etc at school
    • Will my children be LGBT?