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Medical Questions

In this section:

Should I be tested for Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)?

Yes, you should get tested even if your spouse/mate says they have been completely faithful. Being sure will allow you to move forward with whatever decisions you make without the concern of possible disease being an unknown.

The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention maintains a website which will help you find a testing site in your area (if you live in the United States) at This website also has a good frequently asked questions section.

Can I be tested anonymously?

Yes. Be sure to ask when contacting any agency if this is a concern for you.

If I'm staying with him/her, what about sex?

After disclosure, many couples go through a "honeymoon" period where the relief of the gay or bi spouse coming out and being honest with themselves leads to a renewed sexual life between the couple. If this is the case with you, you must be certain that you are taking appropriate steps to ensure your continued health and well being. This should include using latex condoms, and other safer sex practices. Be sure to educate yourself on what your risks are, and take appropriate steps.

What other medical issues should I be concerned about?

It is not unusual for new straight spouses to suffer from a variety of medical ailments. Those ailments can include:  depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, and a general worsening of any conditions they may already have had. This is primarily a result of the added stress the disclosure adds to your life.

An honest and open discussion of all of these issues with your primary care physician will allow him/her to suggest remedies that are most appropriate in your situation. Your MD or Psychiatrist can prescribe medically appropriate treatment to assist you through this trying time, if needed.

Can you recommend a Doctor or Therapist?

As an organization, we cannot suggest or endorse any particular doctor or therapist. If you are in an area where we have a face-to-face support group, you can ask other group members what their personal experiences have been, and if they can make recommendations based upon their own experience.

If you live in the United States, the American Medical Association maintains a website that will help you search for a physician at the following link AMA Doctor Finder. You can also seek physicians and therapists through your health insurance plan or employee assistance program if you are enrolled in one.