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Guidelines for Commenting

Please be respectful

It’s ok to post negative about your experience or your spouse (without naming them or outing them), but it is not ok to generalize about all LGBTQ people, or all men or all women or all people. Please be mindful that some straight spouses are raising LGBTQ  children.


It's ok to be angry

Really angry. Anger is a very normal part of the straight spouse experience. Be aware that your words may have an unintended negative impact on other straight spouses or LGBTQ people. Think first about what you post.

We've posted comments in the past that are right on the edge of being unacceptable - and they get responses.  You may find that the response is not what you wanted to hear. If you need affirmation for your anger – and many of us do - please see our resources for support. You’ll find that many straight spouses fully understand how angry you are in our face to face and online groups. They’ll help you work through it. 

For some of us, anger is a really healthy thing.

However…we aren’t going to help you gather an army of straight people to march on Washington demanding our rights. We aren’t going to stoke your anger, righteous or unrighteous.


Be supportive

It’s ok to disagree.  It’s OK to tell another commenter that your experience or perspective is not the same as theirs. It’s not ok to attack or be argumentative.


Comments are limited in size to 2500 characters.

Comments are just that - comments - not chapters from the book you meant to write.


Comment Frequency

We reserve the right to limit the frequency of comments from one individual or one IP address on individual posts or in a short space of time. If you feel you must respond to everything everyone comments every single time, you probably need to get your own blog. The exception would be if you are a guest author, responding to comments others make.


No last names.

Your username is displayed, your email is not.  Your first name is fine. It’s nice if you feel safe enough to be public, but we don’t want people who have a personal gripe with you to google your name and then start spewing all over our nice blog. (Yes, there are people who actually have nothing better to do….)


You are an expert only on your own life experience.

Our experiences and relationships are diverse.  Some of us remain married, many divorce or separate.  We are male, female, parents, not parents, old, young, all races and nationalities.  There is no single right answer for all.

If you are posting that "experts agree" be prepared to cite those experts. Someone will likely call you on it. Again, we are experts on our own lives, which are diverse.

 If you are citing your own professional expertise as a doctor, lawyer, counselor, author, please say so and have an email that the admin can communicate with for verification. YOU MAY NOT invite people for a free consultation, or to check out your website, buy your book, participate in your research or attend one of your classes or sessions.

Personal payback.

We aren’t going to allow comments that are carrying on a personal conversation with another commenter. Oh yes, there are some LGBTQ spouses who register under a username in attempt to reply to anything their spouse says, thus intimidating the spouse.  There are also straight spouses who warn others about that evil LGBT person who commented. Or family members or friends join in. Ain’t nobody got time for that.  


Unacceptable for discussion.

If you are promoting a "cure" for homosexuality or divorce or libido or sexual addiction - go away. (You're probably spamming anyway) The same holds true if you are trying to directly or indirectly encourage others to follow your religion.

 It’s ok to discuss your personal experience with “cures” in passing, or refer to your religious beliefs, but be mindful that others may have a different experience. SSN does not support reparative therapies or ex gay ministries and has said so here. 


Comments are moderated before they appear. 

There is one moderator.  Sometimes the moderator sleeps at night.  Sometimes the moderator takes a few hours.  It can take up to 48 hours to have comments approved.  (usually not that long)

If you are looking for support or an online forum or community, please contact us here.  We can connect you with a local group, or add you to online discussions of straight spouses.  There is also a public forum on the Straight spouse network website here.